Archive
May 08, 2008
Jim Treacher hates the use of "fail" as a noun
Jackie DI don't care, because Fail Dogs is awesome and this one reminded me of him. In the most adorable way possible, obviously.
May 02, 2008
In the butt
I definitely wish we'd had Google when I was a teenager, so I could have plagiarized more easily on my school reports, but this video makes me sort of glad I grew up in the olden days. This kid makes my little brother look positively loving and mature by comparison, but I can't say I don't admire his work:
The sister's best moment?
"I'm not, like, young and, like, stupid!"
April 30, 2008
Characters from The Wire drawn in the style of The Simpsons
This is McNulty and Bunk. They are getting hammered because they're McNulty and Bunk. Comics artist Steve Lieber has done more in the same vein here.
Incidentally, Lieber is a really cool guy who was very nice to me when I started blogging. The movie version of one of his comics, Whiteout, is coming out later this year with Kate Beckinsdale, and I hope Lieber got a piece of that. Of the movie, I mean. Not that I wouldn't want him to get a piece of Beckinsdale, but let's be realistic here.
April 14, 2008
Now you see me (slightly NSFW)...
I spent the night in New York City with Michelle Oshen a couple of weeks ago. She made me play word association. Let's just say that the outcome is somewhat predictable.
April 09, 2008
This is the nicest thing you'll ever see on this blog
It's cute and funny, but almost made me cry. Kinda like my last date. (Guys, sometimes no really does mean no, especially when you're trying to turn an exit into an entrance. But anyway.)
April 08, 2008
Dirty sexy motor
I am really not into cars, but this makes even me sit up and take notice (and make vaguely obscene noises indicating arousal):
April 07, 2008
Yo' Mama: The drama
I love seeing something like this with excellent production values. Well done, College Humor team!
Comcast must die
What's neat is that you can edit this to insert the name of whichever company has pissed you off most recently. Sweet!
According to Mike Arrington at Techcrunch, the best way to get Comcast to respond to you is not through their normal "customer service" channels, but by ripping them a new one on Twitter.
April 03, 2008
One day this kid is going to be the biggest star in the world
April 02, 2008
Remember Beaker from The Muppet Show?
They got me! Sometimes the Internet actually makes me happy.
April 01, 2008
Oh, aren't April Fool's Day jokes hilarious?
Jim Treacher | Category: WebComcast just bought Bittorrent and shut it down! Alan Moore's daughter is publishing a prequel to Watchmen! New episodes of the original Star Trek are coming to TV! The new Doctor Who is Tim Roth! Mexican singer Cristian Castro killed himself! James Bond is going bisexual! Oh, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!
Yeeuuuuch. April Fool's Day is unfunny and worthless. And I'm not making an April Fool's joke by saying that. I hate it and I always have. I'm not kidding. Shut up, I'm serious!
March 31, 2008
New Batman viral site
There's nothing on it now but something will happen there tomorrow, apparently. Is it just me, or is this incredibly creepy? I guess they're proceeding as if Ledger was still alive. What else can they do, huh?
P.S. RopeOfSilicon.com has the full list of viral sites for this movie. There are 20 of them!
March 25, 2008
The finest performance of his career
Jim Treacher | Category: WebThat's Milo Lastnameunpronounceable, the emo guy from Heroes. It's a response to this, apparently. Remember when everybody thought the Internet was going to transform society and bring us into a whole new world? How's that working out for us.
March 19, 2008
Finally, a test I can pass
After I wasted all that time studying for the piss test, this came as a great triumph for me.
March 11, 2008
Stupid police
March 07, 2008
And I for one can't wait
Jeff Nolan says in "I Have Seen the Future and It Works":
It almost ironic to think that the television industry once thought that 500 channel cable would be their salvation, enabling them to syndicate niche content and offer specialty channels that provided more inventory for advertising, but it’s the proliferation of broadband (often through cable) that may well be the undoing of television as we know it.
March 05, 2008
Sweet.
Is that Jamie Kennedy who pops up between Pacino impersonations?
February 29, 2008
Please don't get the impression I'm just a pathetic Lost nerd
I'm also a pathetic Battlestar Galactica nerd! Here's a great recap of the entire series to date, in anticipation of its return next month:
It's the little things
I got quoted over at the Time Magazine Lostwatch blog. So I got that goin' for me.
February 28, 2008
Blogs Are Trying to Break My Heart*
Stuff White People Like was started on January 18, 2008 and has received almost 5 million hits and growing media attention. People are losing their minds trying to figure out who this guy is and why he's such a racist/genius/racist genius. And what's worse, I can't be angry at the dude, because he's funny and mocks many deserving targets -- bottled water, threatening to move to Canada, Sarah Silverman, etc. -- and he deserves the attention.
So here's my post congratulating the author on his amazing, almost literally overnight success, while praying to all available gods that he loses his hands and eyes in a bus crash. (White people like passive-aggressiveness.)
*This headline combines two more things white people like: referencing indie films you haven't seen and whining that nobody reads your blog. Actually three things, since it's an indie film about an alt-country band. And this "ironic" footnote makes four. We really can't help it, can we?
February 26, 2008
Let's hear it for f***ing guys with one syllable in their first name and two syllables in their last name (hint, hint)
First there was "I'm Fucking Matt Damon," then "I'm Fucking Ben Affleck," and now "I'm Fucking Seth Rogen." Ha ha ha? Yay, "viral" videos by celebrities.
If you can do a Sarah Silverman impersonation, feel free to use these replacement lyrics for that song:
You Suck at Photoshop
There are a bunch more installments at the MyDamnChannel YouTube channel. They get less and less plausible as they go along, but they're still funny. MDC's "evil soap opera" Horrible People is also worth watching. It's nice that someone's trying Internet humor that extends beyond printing up t-shirts with ripped-off movie quotes on them.
Added Bonus: No Affleck or Damon.
February 25, 2008
Ken Levine nails why the Oscars are stupid crap for jerks
I'm sure for most viewers, these are what they thought were the five nominees for Best Picture: Something Something Country, Something Something Blood, Michael Jordan, that thing with whatshername, and one of those Knocked Up movies.
More Oscar face-smashing here.
February 21, 2008
A guy who's friends with somebody I sort-of-know just became famous, almost
Which is to say, DC Pierson is an online acquaintance of mine who's in a great sketch comedy group called Derrick, along with a guy by the name of Donald Glover. I've said it before and I'll say it again, Glover is going to be a star. If you don't believe me, watch this:
I don't know exactly what "It" is, but he's got it.
It looked like Lorne Michaels thought so too, at least according to the Chicago Sun-Times, which reported yesterday that Glover was in the running to play Obama when Saturday Night Live comes back this week. But DC himself told New York magazine it's not true: "It's like, someone started a rumor online, basically, and a bunch of people picked it up."
Assuming DC's telling the truth, that's a shame. Still, it's pretty cool to have to deny to the press that you've been hired on SNL!
Check out Derrick. They are funny.
February 19, 2008
Gene Simmons sex tape
We don't have a category on this blog for "Things I could have lived without knowing about," but then that usually goes without saying around here. Maybe I should make one for "Things that will have you begging for a cupful of Clorox in the eyes". (Link is safe for work, but not for the squeamish.)
The Internet Discount Barn
It's Dr. David Thorpe. So it's funny. Just click the lunchbox, dummy.
If laughing at this is wrong, I don't want to be right
February 18, 2008
David Lee Roth auditions for American Idol
February 15, 2008
This is disturbing on so many levels
What the hell is WRONG with the one getting licked? I am going to have nightmares about that mongoloid face of his. And yet...I still find him kinda cute and have the urge to bake him treats. Story of my dating life, really.
February 14, 2008
Smoke on the Yangtze
I don't know why this makes me giggle like...well, the silly girl that I am, but it does.
February 13, 2008
You want to know why I don't think Harvey Levin will ever see Heaven?
No matter what you think of this woman, making a "Baby On Board" joke about somebody who just had either a miscarriage or an abortion... I'm a pretty sick guy, but I'd wait at least a week to break out that one.
Why the strike resolution blows for studios and writers
There's a reason why most businesses work with pay-for-hire arrangements rather than royalties. It makes the process much more efficient and allows the company producing the product to have more flexibility in trying to sell the product. While it may seem like a victory for the writers, by limiting what mainstream content producers can do to adapt to the internet, it merely opens up more opportunity for others to route around this deal and do something more innovative, leaving the big studios that employ these writers in the dust.
February 08, 2008
Bumfight!
Jesse Metcalfe (the closeted gardener from Desperate Housewives) got knocked the fizzuck out last night outside one of those douchey LA clubs. Maybe I should say "Douchefight!" His ass hasn't worked much since that role, so I wouldn't be surprised to learn that he got paid $50 to take this punch:
I don't know what's funnier, the actual punch or Metcalfe saying "What the fuck?!" over and over and acting like only security was holding him back from getting violent. Girl, please.
February 04, 2008
Kelly Osbourne is anti-internet
She says the web is "full of sexual predators". Yes, Kelly, and that's what we geeks call a feature, not a bug.
January 30, 2008
Why do I love the Internet?
Because you end up finding stuff you didn't even know you were looking for. I don't even remember how I stumbled on Cinematic Titanic, which is a new movie-mocking venture by Joel Hodgson and some other Mystery Science Theater 3000 vets. (Not to be confused with Rifftrax, which is made up of Mike Nelson and several other MST3K people. Friendly rivalry? Not so friendly?) Which then led me to Cartoon Dump, the latest venture from TV's Frank, AKA Frank Conniff. It's a no-budget webcast parody of kid's shows, and you can watch an episode, well, right here:
And then I read this great interview with Conniff, in which he said that the one movie he always wanted MST3K to tackle was Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla, because it co-starred a Martin & Lewis ripoff act by a couple of guys named Duke Mitchell and Sammy Petrillo:
I'd heard of this movie before, and that it's one of the worst ever made, and that Jerry Lewis threatened to sue them and basically ruined their careers, but I didn't realize how much that guy looked, sounded, and acted like Lewis.
These things make me happy because I'm a big fan of sadness and despair and things that never were. And now I'm sharing them with you. YOU'RE WELCOME.
Paper airplane goes and goes and goes
I've been sick for the last few days, and maybe it's the meds, but right now this strikes me as quite beautiful:
January 28, 2008
My day sucked, how about yours?
At least a bird didn't poop in my mouth on live television:
January 25, 2008
Eva Longoria proves the rule
Our buddy Irwin is virulently anti-bangs. The likes of Brigitte Bardot kept me from agreeing with him. After seeing Eva Longoria with bangs, I am forced to admit that there was only one Brigitte Bardot. Irwin was right and I was wrong to question him. It won't happen again.
Better than the first half of Season 3, at least
January 23, 2008
Question of the day
Is this Best Buy manager any more of a douche than the likes of Harvey Levin of TMZ and, er, VH1, both one of many media companies making a huge amount of money off the death of Heath Ledger?
Frankly, I have no problem with people making money any way they want, as long as they didn't steal it or defraud anyone. But it's a bit much for someone who's paid to generate ad revenue to get all high and mighty right now.
Who knew?
January 22, 2008
Forget Dancing with the Stars
What will kill you
From now on, all of my posts will be in Swahili. (This will probably make them funnier.)
January 16, 2008
Mafia 2.0
Well, there is no Mafia 2.0, but perhaps there needs to be, since Web 2.0 is pwning their asses:
Traditionally considered a death sentence to stand up to the Sicilian Mafia, Addiopizzo.org, which means "Goodbye Pizzo," voluntarily lists 230 businesses who openly defy the payment to the Mafia. There is safety in numbers, and the tide of pizzo payments is indeed starting to turn. Perhaps what the website organizers should offer next is the ability for the pizzo-paying business owners to list what they are each paying for "protection." That way, perhaps they can lend some transparency to the Mafia's business. After all, why pay 500 euros a month if your neighbor is only paying 100 euros a month for his "I-hope-nothing-bad-happens-to-you" policy? Or, perhaps, once again, the web has brought an end to an outdated business model, and the Sicilian Mafia needs to adapt with the times. From spam to porn to gambling, the Internet is rife with shady schemes in which the well-organized gangster can participate.
January 14, 2008
Please send your best wishes to Tim Blair
Jim Treacher | Category: WebIf you don't know him, he's an Australian blogger and newspaperman who loves fast cars, cricket, and mocking global warming freaks. I've never met him in person, but he's been a blog-buddy of mine since I started doing this. He just found out he has stomach cancer. It sounds like the prognosis is good, though. He's going in for surgery next week. Get well, Tim.
Vivica A. Fox sets the record straight
She's not a slut! She's a whore:
"Vivica does not have a sex tape. If I did, I would be making my own money off of it," the Kill Bill actress told PEOPLE backstage Saturday night at the taping of the inaugural BET Honors in Washington, D.C.
That's right, Vivica refers to herself in the third person. Jim thinks that's hilarious. But still, she's right. You can totally tell it's not her on that tape. Not that I've seen it. Fourteen times in the last 3 days...
January 10, 2008
Wait! Shhhhh. Did you hear that?
January 09, 2008
Sad but true
It's like you can't even measure a young fella's inseam for him anymore...
January 04, 2008
Here's where we are as a society
TMZ has a live video feed of the doors to the courthouse where K-Fed's lawyer is trying to get him full custody of his kids. Which just got a little easier, now that Britney has been wheeled out of her own home on a gurney and placed under psychiatric evaluation at Cedars-Sinai. And I'm talking about it. And you're reading about it. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go find an American flag to salute.
January 03, 2008
Gawker Media gets even nerdier
Jim Treacher | Category: Web
Science-fiction blog io9.com is the latest venture from blog mogul Nick Denton, whose skull does indeed resemble that of an alien. Here's what io9 covers, according to the tag thingies at the top:
SCIFI BOOKS MOVIES SCIENCE SCIENCE FICTION SPACE PORN PHOTOGRAPHY
I like at least two of those. It's okay that it's so geeky, because at least half of the bloggers are [gulps, pulls collar away from neck] goils.
BTW, the title comes from something Denton's bloggers are known to mumble at the start of their day: "There's one post down; I owe nine more this morning!"
December 07, 2007
It's funny because it's true
November 16, 2007
Something for the weekend
It's Friday! I know what that means for you guys: clubbin' and schlubbin'! If you need some inspiration for tonight, look no further.
Don't hate him because he's badass!
November 06, 2007
They did it to themselves, that's what really hurts
Remember how Radiohead released their new album on the Internet and let you decide how much you want to pay for it? So far 62% of the people who've downloaded it paid more than it's worth, i.e. nothing. If I want some cross-eyed depressive moaning over a bunch of bloops and bleeps, I'll look in the mirror while playing Simon. Actually, that's not a bad idea. Free of charge, folks, I have no illusions about what I'm worth.
November 05, 2007
Before the Devil Knows You're Dead, Facebook edition
If you're that way inclined (I am!), you might want to check out the Facebook group for Before the Devil Knows You're Dead that our friend Brian Linse - who produced the film - has started. How often do you get to converse with the people who were actually involved in making a movie? Bonus: It is, by all accounts, a fine film. Another bonus: Boobies!
[I]t's great. A film for grownups. That's so rare these days[...]And it's probably the best performance I've seen Marisa Tomei give. P.S. She has a hot set of headlights.
October 30, 2007
I've waited so long to post this
Lolsecretz is possibly the most brilliant blog of all time. It marries the PostSecret concept (people sending in anonymous postcards with their secrets written on them) with the mindlessly funny LOLcats meme (photos of cats saying dumb, funny shit, poorly spelled), so what you get are photos of cats confessing secrets in poorly spelled script. Like so:
As with most things, explaining Lolsecretz sort of ruins it - or it would if it were possible to ruin this site. It's wholesome and funny enough to make me forget about the Britney trainwreck for a whole five minutes, which is really saying something.
September 26, 2007
Phil Spector, Michael K, and me
When I was in New York City last week, one of the highlights was meeting Michael K of Dlisted. He really is one of the sickest mofos writing on the web, and for that I love him and read him every day. Gutter dwellers stick together!
Over noodles at Republic on Union Square, we talked about delights ranging from meth faces to $2 hookers and every appetizing thing in between. One of Michael's obsessions is Phil Spector's hair. Well, it looks like he's going to be seeing a lot more of it, since homeboy's just lucked into a hung jury. I'm secretly hoping he goes for a jet black geisha wig. Anything to lend credence to an insanity plea.
Internetty laffs
September 24, 2007
Maybe Meg White has a talent after all?
According to the Post Chronicle, which is some kind of newspaper by the looks of it, there's a sex tape going around and allegedly she's in it. The Post Chronicle has screencaps with the naughty bits blocked out, but it's still probably NSFW.
Doesn't look like her to me. Looks like somebody who looks like her. I dunno, I'll need to study it for another 5-7 minutes or until release, whichever's first.
September 18, 2007
The evil of celebrity gossip blogs, cont'd
What could’ve been the proverbial nail in the coffin is now floating around on TMZ.com instead. I don’t think we can just download that and bring it into court, but that’s for the D.A. to decide.
Las Vegas PD lieutenant Clint Nichols, on the sale of that OJ tape to TMZ. Me, I'm just amused that the New York Times is forced to write about celebrity gossip blogs - and keeps getting scooped by them.
September 05, 2007
The Office season 3 bloopers
My favorite things in the world: men, chocolate, and bloopers. People effing up is hilarious.
Part 1:
Part 2:
August 30, 2007
Another reason why being a girl is awesome
As if free drinks and days off for "female issues" weren't enough, the fact that we'll never have to suffer this indignity makes for a pretty sweet deal:
August 28, 2007
Quote of the day
[W]e can offend people on their cell phones, game consoles and computers too.
-Matt Stone on the mega-deal that he and Trey Parker just sealed to expand the distribution of South Park, which will give the duo a huge slice of ad sales to boot
August 17, 2007
How to get laid if you're not rich or hot
Learn to do some geeky shit extremely freaking fast:
I'm sure "Dan!" is going to have dork groupies all up on his jock for the rest of his life. He'll forever be the Rubik's Cube guy. You may laugh, but that's a better legacy than the one I'm working on.
August 13, 2007
The worst celebrity smiles injustice
Only two of the horrendous sets of chompers on this list are British, and none of them belong to Pogues frontman Shane McGowan (not safe if you've just eaten). I demand a recount.
Rip Netflix "Watch Now" movies to your hard drive
Want to watch your Netflix "Watch Now" movies without DRM or browser restrictions? Lifehacker has you sorted:
[I]f you're desperate to watch that Watch Now movie on a device other than your computer, this hack should pretty much get you there.
Lifehacker's beginner's guide to BitTorrent is also pretty good if you haven't quite grokked how to get in on all the download fun that's keeping studio heads, record company honchos, publishing execs, and government busybodies awake at night.
August 06, 2007
Quote of the day
Man, it really takes a strong person to read the blogs. It's just no-holds-barred. So if you're feeling good about yourself and you want to feel like shit, go to the blogs.
I can't agree more with Michael K:
This is the thing I don't get about celebrities reading blogs, why? I can't tell you how many letters I've gotten from the lawyers of whiny celebrities not liking what I said about them. Everyone has an opinion and you can't sue someone for having one. Just don't read this shit! Go back to spending $5,000 in a 15-minute shopping spree and shut your ass!
August 04, 2007
My favorite is Grace Kelly, who's your favorite?
August 03, 2007
Insulted anyone today? If not, this will inspire you!
God, I love the innernut. This collection of insults is worth the price of my monthly broadband. My faves:
“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” – Groucho Marx“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” –
Oscar Wilde“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” –
Irvin S. Cobb
This post is dedicated to Blowing Smoke executive producer Kamal, a man who has a way with an insult himself. Don't ever get on his bad side...
My kids are going to have a lot to aspire to
Because, if I have them, I am SO forcing them to learn this, too:
July 31, 2007
A calm and measured response to an online enemy
A guy in Virginia who got into a flamewar online decided to make it a bit more literal, and drove 1,300 miles to Waco, Texas to burn down the home of one of this online enemies from a (no, this isn't a joke) picture sharing community. Not only that, but the attacker took photos of each "Welcome to State X" signs and shared them online as he made his way across the country -- to let others in the community know he was serious about going after the other guy.
Wow. Arson is wrong and everything, but I can't help but admire the guy's style. Still, you may be wondering what outrageously offensive online behavior triggered such a response.
Investigators say Tavares boiled over when Anderson called him a nerd and posted a digitally altered photo making Tavares look like a skinny boy in high-water pants, holding a gun and a laptop under a "Revenge of the Nerds" sign.
Okay, nevermind - homeboy is just plain wacko.
July 25, 2007
Like a sack of shit
My best friend and I used to love watching America's Funniest Home Videos when we were growing up. Sure, we had to put the show on mute while Bob Saget was talking, but it was a pretty funny show. Mostly we watched it to see people falling down and hurting themselves. You really can't beat that for comedy value.
So while I am sure that moments after posting this, I'm going to bust my own ass in some humiliatingly public manner, I just have to share the video of Beyonce falling flat on her face during a concert the other night. She begged the audience not to post the clip to YouTube "if anyone recorded that". In this day and age, there is no such thing as if someone recorded you, Beyonce - it's only a matter of how many seconds until the footage is on millions of screens around the world.
July 23, 2007
[Noun] in a [other noun]
Andy Samberg talks to New York magazine about how he's gone from making goofy short films on the Web to SNL to starring in Hot Rod, which is an actual movie that will be in actual theaters. And despite how far he's come so quickly, he hasn't forgotten the 2 or 3 people who stood in his way:
Of Awesometown, a pilot he and [Jorma] Taccone and [Akiva] Schaffer developed, Samberg says, "Fox passed. We took it to Comedy Central. They passed. MTV? Passed. MTV2? Passed," as though each "no" was a personal slight that’s only now being avenged.
Were they right?
July 16, 2007
One you may have seen, one you may have not
July 14, 2007
Louis CK's dog is smart
This one's for Treacher:
July 10, 2007
PS3 a "disaster" for Sony
Jeff Nolan, an extremely informed venture capitalist (and all-around clever, affable guy) does a bang-up job of charting the flop that the PlayStation 3 has been for Sony.
[T]he PS3 is getting outsold 4-to-1 by the Wii, they slashed the price by $100, and a big promotion for Sony’s Blu-Ray entertainment content still hasn’t ignited the one reason why I would get a PS3, a manufacterer subsidized Blu-Ray player....About that price cut. Just last week Sony was issuing official denials only to come out at E3 (which opens tomorrow) today announcing the price cut they denied last week. Clearly this was less of a denial and more like "we can’t afford to have anyone wait a week to buy a PS3" plea.
Jeff thinks that Sony should buy Linden Labs (the creators of Second Life) in order to leapfrog the competition. He may be right, but has anyone else noticed that nobody talks about Second Life (whose growth is slowing) very much anymore?
July 04, 2007