Archive
May 15, 2008
Obligatory Lost liveblog reminder
Jim Treacher | Category: TVI am liveblogging Lost again tonight. Remember?
May 13, 2008
NYC news anchor drops angry F-bomb on live promo
Jackie DIf laughing at this is wrong, I don't want to be right. Bitch is pissed!
College Humor 1, YouTube 0
Jim Treacher | Category: TVYou know the "Bill O'Reilly goes insane, back when he had more hair and less of an audience" clip? The one that keeps getting taken down wherever you look? Man oh man:
Famous people completely losing their shit is the best. Some of my other faves...
May 11, 2008
Spaced remake for US TV is a no-go
That sound you hear is me breathing a huge sigh of relief. (And maybe also a little belching in Nikki Finke's general direction. I hate linking to someone like her.)
May 09, 2008
I've got good news and bad news
The bad news: Comedy Central is bringing back The Gong Show.
The good news: The host is... Dave Attell!
The more I think about this, the more perfect it sounds. If you're old enough to remember The Gong Show but young enough not to have hated it at the time, you remember that Chuck Barris always seemed to have a soft spot for the trainwrecks and losers who were brave enough to humiliate themselves on national TV. Yeah, he was mocking them, but it never seemed mean.
Attell did the same thing on Insomniac. You know, the show where he'd go to various cities and see what the people did there at night. He'd go bar-hopping and visit various night-shift jobs, and he'd talk to the sorts of people you don't normally see on TV. Y'know. Human filth. He could talk to pretty much anybody and make it interesting, and it never seemed mean even when he was making fun of them. He'll be the perfect host for this.
Attell + Gong Show = Me watching.
May 08, 2008
Jacob? Hello! Jacob?
Jim Treacher | Category: TVTonight's episode: "Cabin Fever." The "Cabin" part, I'm guessing, is the nutty cabin that only Hurley can find. The "Fever" part is the hotness of Jack's hairless torso. Oh wait, that was last week. And it was very creepy. Do you suppose he had to get waxed so he could wedge himself into his Racer X uniform? Or was it just a personal request from Larry/Lana Wachowski? The more I think about it, the less I want to think about it.
Anyway. Livebloggening commencificate!
Lost liveblog reminder
Jim Treacher | Category: TVI'm liveblogging Lost again tonight. Somebody out there is reading these, presumably.
May 07, 2008
The dumbest family in America
Well, that may be stretching it, but you guys are total Einsteins compared to this brood of dim bulbs. No offense.
May 02, 2008
Tom Cruise fakes talks to Oprah
Welcome to my hot Friday night! You can watch the whole thing starting here. If the first five minutes are anything to go on - with Katie Holmes telling Tom "I love you" many times over in her oh-so convincing manner, Oprah gushing how the multi-million dollar kitchen in the multi-million dollar Telluride home is "so normal!" - this is going to be some crazy, nauseating viewing. But then I expected as much. Pass the barley water!
The more I read about Lost...
...the more relieved I am that I never started watching it in the first place. I clearly remember checking out the first five minutes of the first episode, when it finally hit the UK after mountains of hype from the US. I had a moment of clarity the likes of which do not happen often enough for me. It was an "Eff this" moment. There was no way I was going to commit to investing years of my life in a TV show.
That said, it does sound kinda cool.
May 01, 2008
DIE JACK DIE
Jim Treacher | Category: TVI know he won't -- duh, he gets off the island -- but wouldn't it be nice? In fact, I am preemptively declaring this the Worst Episode Ever because they're teasing us with a life-threatening affliction that we know isn't really life-threatening. Prove me wrong, Lost. Prove me wrong.
I was sad and this headline made me happy
Jim Treacher | Category: TVLost liveblog 2 nite
Jim Treacher | Category: TVI'm actually kind of dreading it, because the pattern has been Great Episode Followed By Infuriating Episode. And I don't see how they can top last week's Bentastic, Bendiferous Benfest. But we will persevere, fellow Losties. We will persevere.
April 29, 2008
CSI: Cocaine Smells Incredible
Jim Treacher | Category: TV
April 25, 2008
Does anybody else hear locusts?
Jim Treacher | Category: TVJimmy Fallon will be in O'Brien's chair
Inks deal with NBC for 'Late Night'
April 24, 2008
Here there be livebloggin'
Jim Treacher | Category: TVI think it was up to 5 people participating in the last one. So let's go for 6 this time!
Gary Coleman's Marriage May Be Cut Short
Jim Treacher | Category: TVGet it? Yeah, he and his wife, who he still hasn't worked up the nerve to have sex with, are going to be on Divorce Court next week. Whatchoo divorcin' about, Gary? HAHAHAHAHA I'M HILARIOUS
Ha ha, another post about Lost, just to annoy you
Jim Treacher | Category: TVLike pretty much everybody else who watches the show, I was getting pretty sick of it a year ago. And as it turns out, so were the guys who were making it! Damon Lindelof tells the New York Times that when they set a 2010 end date, it reinvigorated the show:
"It was nothing less than the difference between not wanting to do it anymore and being thrilled to do it to the very end. It had become such an arduous task: how can we start working toward any of the things we've been doing for the last three years if we don’t know when we get to do them?"
They decided to push ABC for an end date after Stephen King encouraged them to do so in his Entertainment Weekly column. Thanks, Steve.
Less than 8 hours until the liveblog! Are you getting excited? Hm. Well, then, keep it to yourself.
April 23, 2008
O.J. wants to be on Celebrity Apprentice
If Trump doesn't say "You're hired," maybe the Juice could launch his own reality-TV empire. He already tried Juiced, which sadly didn't go anywhere, but nobody likes a quitter. Just throwing out some ideas here:
- America's Next Top Murderer
- Saber of Love
- Scar Search
- Extreme Makeover: Throat Edition
- Last Waiter Standing
- Decapitation Island
- Filet My Mom
- So You Think You Can Run
- Blading Spouses
- Project Redknife
- Slashing with the Stars
And of course:
- American Chopper
Lost dudes say: "As obnoxious as this sounds, we really regret nothing"
Jim Treacher | Category: TVThe AV Club interviews Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse. At one point they're asked if they know what's going to happen for the rest of the series:
Lindelof: Do we know the absolute end of the show? Yeah. We've had that in mind for quite some time. But can we hand you a script for the last episode of the show right now? No, because there are market fluctuations that we are unaware of at this point. Certain characters that you want to write more for sort of wear out their welcome sooner rather than later. [COUGH COUGH Nikki and Paolo COUGH COUGH] New characters are introduced, and pop in unexpected ways. The essential nature of that last episode is more specifically about what the last three or four scenes are, and us working toward those has always remained pretty constant.
At this point I have no idea if these guys are telling the truth or not, but this season has been more hit than miss, so if they're faking it they're doing pretty well. I suppose I'll be doing another liveblog tomorrow night, maybe possibly.
April 22, 2008
That's what she said
I've never been able to get into the US version of The Office, but you don't have to be a fan of that show in order to appreciate this. You just have to be terribly immature and pathetically crude. Guilty as charged.
Godzilla vs. Jared
Toho Co., makers of all those great, terrible Godzilla movies, are suing Subway for their most recent commercial:
The Toho dudes say the monster and the setting are ripping off their intellectual property or whatever. They need to get in line, because I'm suing Subway for ripping off the hand gestures I use to promote my Big Jim's Penis Enhancing Cream. "It used to be this many inches, but now it's this long..."
Catchy jingle, though!
April 17, 2008
Yeah, but he was doing it ironically
There is no reason for this to exist, or for me to share it with you, which is why I am
Jim Treacher | Category: TVApril 15, 2008
Tom Cruise is going to jump up and down on this guy like a couch
Warning: Naughty language!
Background here. L. Ron is not happy right now, on whichever planet he went to.
April 11, 2008
I can't use the headline I want to use for this one
Jim Treacher | Category: TVCrazy idiot Roseanne Barr says she had some of that surgery on her hoo-ha to make it like it was back in the good ol' days. (Considering this is Roseanne, I'm not exactly sure when that was supposed to be.) When I told Jackie my headline, she said, "YES YOU CAN, DO IT!" So here it is:
Frozen Donkey Wheel?
Jim Treacher | Category: TVAccording to Jeff Jensen at EW, that's the code name for the big twist at the end of season 4 of Lost. Supposedly it will "set the stage for another series reinvention," he says. I remain guardedly optimistic. The other day they said they were going to squeeze one more episode into this season, for a total of 14, but they didn't say if it'd be before or after the finale. Maybe the finale to the finale? Judas Locke, I hate how much I love this stupid show.
April 10, 2008
Thank you for listening to me
Jim Treacher | Category: TVThe secret talents of celebrities will remain hidden. CBS is axing its new reality show "Secret Talents of the Stars" after only one episode.The first airing Wednesday had former "Star Trek" actor George Takei singing "On the Road Again." Only 4.6 million people tuned in -- and thousands tuned away as the hour continued.
Yep. Call me when they premiere Celebrity Seppuku.
April 08, 2008
George Takei has a secret talent
Jim Treacher | Category: TVNo, not that one. That one hasn't been a secret for years. No, he's also a country singer! Allegedly. You'd have to watch Secret Talents of the Stars tonight on CBS to find out for sure, but please promise me you won't.
"Ve Haff Vays Uff Mekking You Balk!!"
Jim Treacher | Category: TVYou've heard about Tom Cruise playing a Nazi in an upcoming movie. Of course, he's a good Nazi, the guy who unsuccessfully plotted to assassinate Hitler. (Because when you're a good Nazi, you know you have to do something about the bad Nazis, because you know you're the only one who can really help...) If you haven't seen the trailer:
Guess what? Valkyrie, AKA Scientology Somehow Doesn't Give You the Ability to Do Accents, has now been pushed back from October '08 to Feb. '09. Originally it was supposed to come out in July. MGM/UA claim they're holding it back for President's Day weekend, but they're probably trying to buy time to figure out how to salvage this mess. I'd suggest a new marketing campaign spinning it as some sort of comedy. Kind of like Hogan's Heroes, without the subtlety or wit.
April 07, 2008
I said: Chicken butt!
Jim Treacher | Category: TVApril 03, 2008
One day this kid is going to be the biggest star in the world
Jimmy Kimmel is airing his 1,000th episode tonight
Jim Treacher | Category: TVWhich is good news for him and great news for me, because I'm "tired" and can't find anything or anyone to make fun of at the moment. Hey, I'll just rerun (yet again) my review of the first week of Kimmel's awful show, over 5 years ago. I'm Fucking Recycling!
I promised myself April 02, 2008
Remember Beaker from The Muppet Show?
They got me! Sometimes the Internet actually makes me happy.
GLAAD: Give Leno An Angry Diatribe
So that happened a couple of weeks ago. If you saw it, I'm sorry about that because it was on The Tonight Show. You probably didn't realize it, but THIS WAS THE WORST THING THAT ANYONE HAS EVER SAID OR DONE EVER. Sort-of-famous gay people and not-at-all-famous gay people alike have been up in arms about it. Sinewy, gym-toned arms... ahem! So now, in response to GLAAD basically threatening to make him the next Imus, Leno has apologized for his evil hate-crime atrocity:
Jay Leno apologized Tuesday for on-air remarks he made during a chat with Ryan Phillippe that were then criticized by gay activists and others."In talking about Ryan's first role, I realize that what I said came out wrong," the host of NBC's Tonight Show said in a statement to PEOPLE. "I certainly didn't mean any malice. I agree it was a dumb thing to say, and I apologize."
It just goes to show, the gays can be every bit as humorless and uptight as the rest of us. We're all the same!
March 31, 2008
They would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those meddling lawyers
A small British sportswear manufacturer does not have the support* of Time Warner:
Lawyers from Hanna-Barbera, owners of the [Scooby-Doo] cartoon, have squared up to a firm called Booby Doo, which makes sports bras.Booby Doo’s owners want to register the name as a trademark. But the lawyers, representing the multinational Warner Bros, say it sounds too much like the name of their doggy detective.
Other proposed names for the brassieres: Jonny Chest, the Banana Splints, and of course Quick Bra McGraw.
Do you think Hanna-Barbera will have a problem with my upcoming line of genital jewelry, The Clitstones?
*GET IT???
March 28, 2008
This can only end in tears
I do not have high hopes for the American re-make of Spaced, one of my favorite British TV shows ever. Worse: Simon Pegg, who co-created the original with the outrageously talented Jessica Stevenson, has not been involved in the US version at all.
All of this just gives me an excuse to post this, which reminds me why I moved away from London and stopped drinking in the same month:
March 26, 2008
I'm just glad it wasn't Jack
Jim Treacher | Category: TVIs Desmond Hume your favorite character on Lost? Well, he is now. Sorry, Arzt...
March 20, 2008
Iveblogginglay Ostlay
Jim Treacher | Category: TVLost liveblog tonight, I hope
Jim Treacher | Category: TVI've got some family stuff going on, but priorities are priorities. At least five of you are counting on me, so I'll try to be here at 9.
March 18, 2008
I don't think it's her
Kristin Davis, that is. In the "Kristin Davis" sex pics. TMZ is taking a poll, no pun intended, and it's an even 50/50 split as to whether it's her or not. I'm not going to link directly to the pictures because this isn't that kind of site (much), but you can find them if you really want to.
Then again, maybe it is her. I don't know. I never watched Sex and the City, but she was awful on Melrose Place. I was so glad when her character fell in that stupid pool and drowned. Ha ha.
What. Lots of people watched Melrose Place. Nothing wrong with it. What. Shut up.
March 14, 2008
What I don't get is, why didn't this happen after the very first episode?
March 13, 2008
Oceanic 6, Audience 0
Jim Treacher | Category: TVJust kidding! I go back and forth between thinking Lost is the best show ever and hating it with every fiber of my being. (And I've got a lot of fibers.) Right now I'm somewhere in-between. I really shouldn't read interviews with Damon Lindelof.
Who's the last one of the Oceanic Six? Or is it the last two? Who's Ben's "man on the boat"? Is it even a man at all? How the hell should I know? Let's liveblog this bitch!
I'm not happy about my Lost obsession either, folks
Jim Treacher | Category: TVJeff Jensen at Entertainment Weekly made the mistake of asking Lost executive producer Damon Lindelof a direct question: Will the show ever give us specific resolution on the Numbers? (4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42) Here's what Lindelof said:
''There will be more ON the Numbers, yes. But explaining WHY and HOW they are magic is like trying to explain why some magic kids are born to two muggles. The Valenzetti Equation USES those numbers, but trust me, they were around LONG before the early '60s. But for fans waiting for an advanced dissertation on the mythic significance of the numbers, I direct them to Qui-Gon Jinn's speech to Shmi Skywalker regarding midichlorians and pose the following question: Happy now?''
Here's that speech, according to Wikipedia. It says Qui-Gon was talking to Anakin, not Shmi, however the hell Shmi was. I'll take their word for it, because the less time I have to think back on The Phantom Menace the better:
Reminder: Lost liveblog 2 nite
Jim Treacher | Category: TVLast week at least 2 people joined me, so this week I'm shooting for 3. Looks like it's a Jin/Sun episode, so if you're a member of some Korean-American anti-defamation league, don't take it personally.
March 11, 2008
This is raw, even for me (NFSFFW)
Jim Treacher | Category: TVYou would think at some point he would realize they're just masks. It's kind of silly!
March 10, 2008
March Madness, Lost-style
Jim Treacher | Category: TVThe Washington Post is letting you vote on your favorite Lost characters. You have until tomorrow to vote in the first round. Some of the voting I find to be just:
And some of it I find to be completely unjust:
AAAARRRRRRZZZT!!!
March 07, 2008
And I for one can't wait
Jeff Nolan says in "I Have Seen the Future and It Works":
It almost ironic to think that the television industry once thought that 500 channel cable would be their salvation, enabling them to syndicate niche content and offer specialty channels that provided more inventory for advertising, but it’s the proliferation of broadband (often through cable) that may well be the undoing of television as we know it.
Seinfeld headed back to NBC?
March 06, 2008
Here is the place where my liveblog of Lost is
Jim Treacher | Category: TVOkay, if I'm doing this right, the liveblog itself should show up below. Enjoy, or don't.
P.S. I like how Juliet starts off on the island with too-big hair and too much makeup, and how obvious it is right from the start that Ben's in love with her. Now we know why they used to be buds but now her skin crawls at the sight of him, huh?
P.P.S. Sepinwall, AV Club, Poniewozik. And of course, the episode's Lostpedia page.
P.P.P.S. I've been thinking about that videotape ("I taped over the game..."). Presumably it's the same tape Ben showed Jack to prove he had access to the outside word. That was in "The Glass Ballerina," which was set on Nov. 29, 2004. This episode is set on Dec. 27, 2004. So wherever that tape was shot and however Widmore caught Ben's guy whose teeth he was kicking in, it happened within the last month. We know FutureBen is using FutureSayid as an international assassin, so I guess he's got other operatives around the world too. Which goes along with that secret room Sayid found, with the fake passports and different currencies. So this whole thing is some kind of cat-and-mouse game between these two ruthless creeps. But which one's the cat and which one's the mouse? Who's more evillerer, Widmore or Ben?
Lost liveblog again tonight
Jim Treacher | Category: TVDo you love Lost but hate paying full attention to it when it's on? Then swing on by tonight. I've been liveblogging it for the last few weeks and nobody's complained, so I guess I'll keep trying. It'll be my first go with this new CoveritLive software, so I'm sure it'll be a huge disaster. Watch me fail! Again.
And you thought you worked with some a-holes
Treach, I'm talking to you. Watch this and suddenly I won't seem so bad. (The good stuff starts at 56 seconds in.)
March 05, 2008
Patrick Swayze has cancer
Bummer. Apart from going to an inept plastic surgeon, he's always seemed pretty humble and cool. And then there was this:
March 04, 2008
You can quit asking the cast of Lost what's going on
Jim Treacher | Category: TVThey obviously don't know either. TV Guide had a great idea: Have executive producers Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse answer questions from their own cast. The only question they really give a straight answer to is one of Henry Ian Cusick's: "Did Jack's flash-forward in the third-season finale take place after the events of Sayid's most-recent episode?" The answer is yes. So much for my theory that the fat Italian guy on the golf course was really Jack in disguise. Dammit!
February 29, 2008
Please don't get the impression I'm just a pathetic Lost nerd
I'm also a pathetic Battlestar Galactica nerd! Here's a great recap of the entire series to date, in anticipation of its return next month:
It's the little things
I got quoted over at the Time Magazine Lostwatch blog. So I got that goin' for me.
February 28, 2008
Yay, Lost time again
Jim Treacher | Category: TVGet it, "lost time"? Let's all watch Desmond completely lose his mind!
February 27, 2008
This is why the only TV show I watch anymore is Lost
Even just a capsule description of FOX's hit reality game show The Moment of Truth -- "Contestants are hooked up to a polygraph machine and asked embarrassing personal questions in the hopes of winning big cash prizes" -- indicates that it is stupid and evil. But how stupid and evil is it? This stupid and evil:
The buxom blond wife of a city cop yesterday said she humiliated her husband in front of 8 million viewers of the reality show "Moment of Truth" -- revealing she slept around and wanted to be wed to another guy -- in a bid for fame and fortune.But Lauren Cleri, 26, and her baby-faced hubby, rookie NYPD Officer Frank Cleri, 24, of Rockland County, said after appearing on the Fox show Monday night, they came away without any prize money, no immediate job offers for her -- and a potentially irrevocably broken marriage.
She won $100,000 for truthfully telling her ex-boyfriend she wished she'd married him instead, and another hundred grand for admitting she'd cheated on her husband. But don't worry, the story has a happy ending:
After admitting that she cheated... she was asked if she thought she is a good person.She answered, "Yes," but the lie-detector test said she was lying. She lost all of the money.
Absolutely poetic. Sure, she humiliated her husband in front of millions of people, but at least she wasn't honest enough to profit from it. That stupid show is the one place where lying about yourself can actually cost you money!
February 26, 2008
Let's hear it for f***ing guys with one syllable in their first name and two syllables in their last name (hint, hint)
First there was "I'm Fucking Matt Damon," then "I'm Fucking Ben Affleck," and now "I'm Fucking Seth Rogen." Ha ha ha? Yay, "viral" videos by celebrities.
If you can do a Sarah Silverman impersonation, feel free to use these replacement lyrics for that song:
February 25, 2008
Barackface
I'm bummed that the very funny Donald Glover isn't playing Obama on Saturday Night Live as rumored (he auditioned, but didn't get it). They kept it in-house and gave it to Fred Armisen. I didn't watch it so I don't know how good his impression was, but judging by the screenshots, they've definitely nailed the look.
But wait! Armisen's not black. How can they have a non-black guy playing a half-black guy? That ain't right, according to Maureen Ryan at the Chicago Trib:
Call me crazy, but shouldn't "Saturday Night Live's" fictional Sen. Barack Obama be played by an African-American?...The producers of "SNL" have had months to think about and plan for the dozens of Obama sketches we'll no doubt be seeing this year. They couldn't find an African-American performer who was funny enough to play the junior senator from Illinois? They couldn't find one in New York? Not anywhere in the country? Really?
Apparently not. Should they have postponed their return until they found somebody with a sufficient skin tone?
This identity politics crap is tedious. Besides, it's not the first time they've cast against type. I mean, look at the history of SNL:
- Cheri Oteri, a woman, played Ross Perot, a man.
- Tracy Morgan, a man, played Star Jones, a woman.
- Eddie Murphy, a black man, played Jerry Lewis, a white man.
- Darryl Hammond, a white man, played Jesse Jackson, a black man.
- Maya Rudolph, a half-Black and half-Jewish woman, played [insert name of white person of either gender here].
Just off the top of my head. How about judging them by whether they're funny or not, rather than how genetically similar they are to their targets? There's plenty to criticize about SNL without insisting that they institute quotas or something.
Ken Levine nails why the Oscars are stupid crap for jerks
I'm sure for most viewers, these are what they thought were the five nominees for Best Picture: Something Something Country, Something Something Blood, Michael Jordan, that thing with whatshername, and one of those Knocked Up movies.
More Oscar face-smashing here.
February 22, 2008
It's about time they made a Golden Girls movie
The next time somebody says you watch too much TV...
Quote of the Day
Jim Treacher | Category: TVTerry O'Quinn, AKA Crazy-Ass Locke from Lost, on his biggest disagreement so far with the writers:
At the end of Season 3 Locke throws a knife into Naomi's back and I said, 'This really hurts me, it's so not typical and it's so out of character and it seemed gratuitous.' I made the biggest stink I ever made with (executive producers) Damon Lindelhof and Carlton Cuse and they said, 'Look, Locke believes he was doing the right thing. His life was saved, he's been told, he's been instructed. He believes that this is the most dangerous person in the world right now and he does what he does. Do it.' I said, 'Well, you know, if I stab her in the back couldn't I at least shoot Jack in the knee or something?'
Sounds good to me! Knee, forehead, whatever.
February 21, 2008
Yay, Lost is on and I'm live-blogging it like a retard
Jim Treacher | Category: TV"Eggtown," huh? It's probably called that because Kate and Sawyer get all humpty before she dumpties him...