I don't play a lot of video games these days, but GTA IV has me jonesing like a heroin fiend. Besides the addictive gameplay and the pleasure of zooming through the city in stolen cars and beating complete strangers to death in the street with an aluminum baseball bat, the game's storyline and characters are surprisingly compelling. SPOILERS AHEAD:

When Elisabeta (the funloving coke dealer) pulled out that gun and shot Manny (the former rapper who comes back to "clean up" his old neighborhood and making sure everybody knows about it) and his video director in the back of the head, I was totally astonished.

Manny didn't feel like a character in a video game. He was a well fleshed-out character, from the writing to the (I'm assuming) motion-capture acting. He was a vain, self-aggrandizing, ineffectual fool, but I kind of liked him and I felt bad he went out like that. It was the most shocking death I can remember in any medium since Tony Soprano strangled Ralphie in his own kitchen.

And the way Niko disposes of the bodies is noir as shit. When the shady doctor says he can sell their organs on the black market and it'll help a lot of people, Niko says, "Manny always talked about how he wanted to help the streets... maybe now he actually can." Damn. Niko is one ice-cold dude. When they make the movie, I'm thinking... Clive Owen?

Oh, and the music is great too. There's probably more to listen to on the radio in this game than in the real NYC. And I had no idea Russia had rappers...

Wrap up extended reading.

If I seem preoccupied with GTA IV lately, you're just going to have to deal with it. I don't really consider myself a game guy, but this thing is amazing. These guys could be curing cancer, but instead they decided to use their genius to make me believe I'm running down pedestrians and shooting cops. Bless them.

You should make a GTA IV IV. That way, people can feed themselves intravenously without having to do silly things like cook or leave the house or move from one spot for like a whole day at a time. Great Tasting Atrophy!

You can now play the competitive eating video game.

God, I love this country.

I find it hard to care much about professional sports these days, what with all the egos and rap sheets. (College football isn't far behind on that score.) Joe Namath was around a little before my time, but he always struck me as a good guy. I was right.

Oh, man, what's funnier: Barry Williams (aka Greg Brady) giving the finger guns with Sisqo, or Barry Williams (aka Greg Brady) giving the finger guns with Montell Jordan? I vote for Barry Williams (aka Greg Brady) calling Carson Daly "Carson Palmer".

I've never played Guitar Hero, but now I'm thinking I should at least give it a try.

My teenage addiction to Super Mario Brothers 3 (shut up!) is still vivid enough in my memory that I can totally relate to this (via Dr. Scott):

Bonus cool points for the Cedar Point sweatshirt! I used to spend every birthday there as a kid, and they still have the fastest, best rides on earth.

I HIGHLY approve. How could they snub for so long the only video game system officially endorsed by Don Knotts?

And the Cincinnati Bengals' loss is my gain. George is a big Bengals fan - he's from the area, and his parents Nick and Nina are beloved local celebrities - so is bummed about how badly they suck. (So was Irwin, for one night only.)

I really could not give two craps about any sport, but since I live within spitting distance from Paul Brown Stadium, I'm thrilled whenever the Bengals lose. It means I don't have to hear honking horns and drunk, jubilant fans screaming in the streets until 3AM. (For some reason, losing doesn't make them go crazy, just very quiet. I'm probably living in a town full of serial killers waiting to happen.)

Speaking of coming out...Why on earth did Halo 3 PR get Zac Efron to be the big star of their launch party? Homeboy is BEYOND metrosexual. He's practically a damn girl! Is that really the image they're going for?

Jeff Nolan, an extremely informed venture capitalist (and all-around clever, affable guy) does a bang-up job of charting the flop that the PlayStation 3 has been for Sony.

[T]he PS3 is getting outsold 4-to-1 by the Wii, they slashed the price by $100, and a big promotion for Sony’s Blu-Ray entertainment content still hasn’t ignited the one reason why I would get a PS3, a manufacterer subsidized Blu-Ray player.

...About that price cut. Just last week Sony was issuing official denials only to come out at E3 (which opens tomorrow) today announcing the price cut they denied last week. Clearly this was less of a denial and more like "we can’t afford to have anyone wait a week to buy a PS3" plea.

Jeff thinks that Sony should buy Linden Labs (the creators of Second Life) in order to leapfrog the competition. He may be right, but has anyone else noticed that nobody talks about Second Life (whose growth is slowing) very much anymore?

[Manhunt 2, a]n upcoming video game from the maker of the "Grand Theft Auto" series came under fire Tuesday in the United States and Britain, where the government's ratings board banned sales for what it called an "unremitting bleakness and callousness of tone."

If being bleak and callous is a ban-worthy offense in the UK, I have a feeling our British readers shouldn't get too used to being able to access this blog...

These are all women who have played Lara Croft for the game's designers or ads over the years:

This photo shoot is to commemorate the 10th anniversary of the release of Tomb Raider, which has sold 7 million copies worldwide. In addition to wanting to give you something to perv over, I'm also sharing this photo so that I can repeat to you what Treacher said to me when I showed it to him:

Who in the world is going to see this mess? All the people I know who are (or were) into The Sims are wannabe hipsters and/or housebound internet loudmouths. I can't see them leaving the house for this. Sure hope the producers have locked up an online distribution deal.

Some USC engineering students decided to re-create scenes from Donkey Kong on one of the university's building's windows - with Post-it Notes. Check it out. Amazingly, it only took ten people a total of five hours to do this. If you're in southern California, you can see the window art for yourself for a very limited time - it will be removed on or before May 1. Does considering a flight to LA just to see this make me a bigger nerd than the engineering students who made it? I think it might.

Hot on the heels of Viacom suing Google for $1 billion, based on some very backward ideas about how video-sharing relates to their bottom line, video game company id Software is talking a load of bollocks (as they say in the UK) about how piracy supposedly hurts the gaming industry. As Techdirt CEO Mike points out, this is...well, like I said, bollocks:

The early success of games like Castle Wolfenstein and Doom were, in large part, thanks to pirated copies being widely available and getting people hooked (often resulting in them buying legit copies, or later software products from id). It also ignores the success of other game publishers, such as Stardock, who decided that treating all its customers as if they're criminals is a bad idea -- and releasing their game with no copy protection at all... and having it turn into a best seller.

Apart from the fact that the media seems to accept without question that there is such a thing as 'internet addiction,' I see nothing surprising in this story:

An obese 26-year-old man in northeastern China died after a "marathon" online gaming session over the Lunar New Year holiday, state media said on Wednesday. The 150-kg (330-lb) man from Jinzhou, in Liaoning province, collapsed on Saturday, the last day of the holiday, after spending "almost all" of the seven-day break playing online games, the China Daily said, citing his parents.

Oh yes, and let's remember that "state media" is the commie government propaganda machine, which also claims that:

About 2.6 million -- or 13 percent -- of China's 20 million Internet users under 18 are classed as addicts...

Anyway, if all the stores and everything else in town is closed for a whole honkin' week, what the hell else is a man in a commie hellhole supposed to do? Oh, wait - it is well documented that the Chinese throw people in jail for saying or doing the 'wrong things' online (with the help of companies like Google), so it's very much in their interest to make people believe in things like internet addiction and the dangers of video games. The only question is why Reuters is helping them spread their propaganda.