The bad news: Comedy Central is bringing back The Gong Show.

The good news: The host is... Dave Attell!

The more I think about this, the more perfect it sounds. If you're old enough to remember The Gong Show but young enough not to have hated it at the time, you remember that Chuck Barris always seemed to have a soft spot for the trainwrecks and losers who were brave enough to humiliate themselves on national TV. Yeah, he was mocking them, but it never seemed mean.

Attell did the same thing on Insomniac. You know, the show where he'd go to various cities and see what the people did there at night. He'd go bar-hopping and visit various night-shift jobs, and he'd talk to the sorts of people you don't normally see on TV. Y'know. Human filth. He could talk to pretty much anybody and make it interesting, and it never seemed mean even when he was making fun of them. He'll be the perfect host for this.

Attell + Gong Show = Me watching.

I say that only because his music is so vile. Better to have him as an aspiring comedian, methinks. Bonus: Kristen Bell!

This is McNulty and Bunk. They are getting hammered because they're McNulty and Bunk. Comics artist Steve Lieber has done more in the same vein here.

Incidentally, Lieber is a really cool guy who was very nice to me when I started blogging. The movie version of one of his comics, Whiteout, is coming out later this year with Kate Beckinsdale, and I hope Lieber got a piece of that. Of the movie, I mean. Not that I wouldn't want him to get a piece of Beckinsdale, but let's be realistic here.

(thx av club)

I love seeing something like this with excellent production values. Well done, College Humor team!

Funnyman Jerry Seinfeld cheated death in the Hamptons when the brakes on his vintage Fiat failed and the car flipped over, police said yesterday.

Miraculously, the comic walked away "without a scratch..."

They got me! Sometimes the Internet actually makes me happy.

So that happened a couple of weeks ago. If you saw it, I'm sorry about that because it was on The Tonight Show. You probably didn't realize it, but THIS WAS THE WORST THING THAT ANYONE HAS EVER SAID OR DONE EVER. Sort-of-famous gay people and not-at-all-famous gay people alike have been up in arms about it. Sinewy, gym-toned arms... ahem! So now, in response to GLAAD basically threatening to make him the next Imus, Leno has apologized for his evil hate-crime atrocity:

Jay Leno apologized Tuesday for on-air remarks he made during a chat with Ryan Phillippe that were then criticized by gay activists and others.

"In talking about Ryan's first role, I realize that what I said came out wrong," the host of NBC's Tonight Show said in a statement to PEOPLE. "I certainly didn't mean any malice. I agree it was a dumb thing to say, and I apologize."

It just goes to show, the gays can be every bit as humorless and uptight as the rest of us. We're all the same!

A couple of Boston shock jocks named Toucher & Rich recently held an "Unfunniest Comic" contest, where listeners could call in and vote for the worst standup, March Madness-style. The "winner" is Boston's own Dane Cook.

I haven't seen enough of his act to really hate him, but I'm a Louis CK fan and I don't like how Cook "borrowed" several of his jokes:

Well, Toucher & Rich had better look out. Cook gets very angry when people don't say nice things.

Stuff White People Like was started on January 18, 2008 and has received almost 5 million hits and growing media attention. People are losing their minds trying to figure out who this guy is and why he's such a racist/genius/racist genius. And what's worse, I can't be angry at the dude, because he's funny and mocks many deserving targets -- bottled water, threatening to move to Canada, Sarah Silverman, etc. -- and he deserves the attention.

So here's my post congratulating the author on his amazing, almost literally overnight success, while praying to all available gods that he loses his hands and eyes in a bus crash. (White people like passive-aggressiveness.)

*This headline combines two more things white people like: referencing indie films you haven't seen and whining that nobody reads your blog. Actually three things, since it's an indie film about an alt-country band. And this "ironic" footnote makes four. We really can't help it, can we?

There are a bunch more installments at the MyDamnChannel YouTube channel. They get less and less plausible as they go along, but they're still funny. MDC's "evil soap opera" Horrible People is also worth watching. It's nice that someone's trying Internet humor that extends beyond printing up t-shirts with ripped-off movie quotes on them.

Added Bonus: No Affleck or Damon.

(thx, kevin)

I'm bummed that the very funny Donald Glover isn't playing Obama on Saturday Night Live as rumored (he auditioned, but didn't get it). They kept it in-house and gave it to Fred Armisen. I didn't watch it so I don't know how good his impression was, but judging by the screenshots, they've definitely nailed the look.

But wait! Armisen's not black. How can they have a non-black guy playing a half-black guy? That ain't right, according to Maureen Ryan at the Chicago Trib:

Call me crazy, but shouldn't "Saturday Night Live's" fictional Sen. Barack Obama be played by an African-American?

...The producers of "SNL" have had months to think about and plan for the dozens of Obama sketches we'll no doubt be seeing this year. They couldn't find an African-American performer who was funny enough to play the junior senator from Illinois? They couldn't find one in New York? Not anywhere in the country? Really?

Apparently not. Should they have postponed their return until they found somebody with a sufficient skin tone?

This identity politics crap is tedious. Besides, it's not the first time they've cast against type. I mean, look at the history of SNL:

• Cheri Oteri, a woman, played Ross Perot, a man.
• Tracy Morgan, a man, played Star Jones, a woman.
• Eddie Murphy, a black man, played Jerry Lewis, a white man.
• Darryl Hammond, a white man, played Jesse Jackson, a black man.
• Maya Rudolph, a half-Black and half-Jewish woman, played [insert name of white person of either gender here].

Just off the top of my head. How about judging them by whether they're funny or not, rather than how genetically similar they are to their targets? There's plenty to criticize about SNL without insisting that they institute quotas or something.

Which is to say, DC Pierson is an online acquaintance of mine who's in a great sketch comedy group called Derrick, along with a guy by the name of Donald Glover. I've said it before and I'll say it again, Glover is going to be a star. If you don't believe me, watch this:

I don't know exactly what "It" is, but he's got it.

It looked like Lorne Michaels thought so too, at least according to the Chicago Sun-Times, which reported yesterday that Glover was in the running to play Obama when Saturday Night Live comes back this week. But DC himself told New York magazine it's not true: "It's like, someone started a rumor online, basically, and a bunch of people picked it up."

Assuming DC's telling the truth, that's a shame. Still, it's pretty cool to have to deny to the press that you've been hired on SNL!

Check out Derrick. They are funny.

Jackie I hope you don't mind but I am declaring Sean M the winner of the caption competition by this big......................!

It's Dr. David Thorpe. So it's funny. Just click the lunchbox, dummy.

Good news! If it ain't broke, why try to do anything the least bit different with it?

I hesitate even to put the "Comedy" label on this one, because...really? This was the best she could do?

Matt Damon is either an extremely good sport or Sarah has some good dirt on him.

Because you end up finding stuff you didn't even know you were looking for. I don't even remember how I stumbled on Cinematic Titanic, which is a new movie-mocking venture by Joel Hodgson and some other Mystery Science Theater 3000 vets. (Not to be confused with Rifftrax, which is made up of Mike Nelson and several other MST3K people. Friendly rivalry? Not so friendly?) Which then led me to Cartoon Dump, the latest venture from TV's Frank, AKA Frank Conniff. It's a no-budget webcast parody of kid's shows, and you can watch an episode, well, right here:

And then I read this great interview with Conniff, in which he said that the one movie he always wanted MST3K to tackle was Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla, because it co-starred a Martin & Lewis ripoff act by a couple of guys named Duke Mitchell and Sammy Petrillo:

I'd heard of this movie before, and that it's one of the worst ever made, and that Jerry Lewis threatened to sue them and basically ruined their careers, but I didn't realize how much that guy looked, sounded, and acted like Lewis.

These things make me happy because I'm a big fan of sadness and despair and things that never were. And now I'm sharing them with you. YOU'RE WELCOME.

This darkly funny sketch comedy series is possibly my favorite TV show of all time. I just found out from the Wikipedia page that a new project from these guys may be in the works. I don't think I'll be able to sleep until I know for sure. Until then, I have my DVDs. (Actually, I don't: They're still in London. But I have YouTube.)

DAY 1
I am alive, but there is no writing for television and motion pictures. I stumble about my apartment — a stranger in a strange land. Gathering my wits, I take stock of my meager supplies: four original episodes of House, a handful of fresh 30 Rocks, and two Heroes, which I fear have gone bad. I cannot survive long — panic sets in.

DAY 2
Using three coat hangers and an old T-shirt, I construct a crude device to collect potable water. I then realize that fresh drinking water will not be an issue during a Writers' Strike. I go to the refrigerator and fetch a Pomegranate Lychee Green Tea. It is my first triumph over the elements and I rejoice...

I've actually been reading. Books. Please, just give these TV writers what they want!!

(thx, Jerry over at Amy Alkon's)

I know, it doesn't sound right to me either, but some Playboy bunny is saying he knocked her up:

Jillian Grace, Miss March 2005, is alleging that she had a relationship with the comedian, resulting in her becoming pregnant. Grace was discovered by Playboy after posing for test shots on the Howard Stern show.

"Hoo hoo, I invented bastard children, Robin!" I'd make a more current joke, but nobody listens to Stern anymore. Anyway, Spade says if the kid is his, he'll take responsibility for it. Which is good news, unless it's the same way he took responsibility for Black Sheep and Tommy Boy.

Here's a picture of Jillian Grace:

And here's a picture of David Spade:

Theologians, go ahead and send me all the dissertations you want proving the existence of God. I'm not buying it.

It's like you can't even measure a young fella's inseam for him anymore...

Missy Chase Lapine, author of something called The Sneaky Chef, filed suit yesterday against Jessica Seinfeld for plagiarism because their cookbooks are similar. Jerry went on Letterman last year and made some nasty jokes about Labine ("if you read history, many of the three-name people do become assassins"), so she's throwing defamation in there too. Here's the segment where the bad man was mean to her:

In the past, I would have said this woman should just lighten up and enjoy the free publicity for her book. But then there was the Bee Movie marketing campaign. Go, Missy Chase Lapine! Take these jerks for all they're worth.

I'm filing this Kanye West blog post under Comedy, because, well...Peep this:

every now and then people would speak of this legendary connect 4 champion........... BEYONCE!!! I had 2 play her!...so last night at Jay's new 40/40 club in Las Vegas (which is sidebar, crazy big w/ 24krt gold flooring, Black Jack tables, $500 slot machines,the biggest projection screen in the universe and the best turkey burgers I've ever had in my life) she beat me 9 times in a row! (and I didn't even spaz lol)

It's the turkey burger reference that gets me. Could only have been better if he'd described his latest bowel movement. (And by "better," of course, I mean more funny and disgusting.)

Or for those of you who just want to re-live one of his most memorable bits...This is NSFW (especially if you work in marketing):

Hey, what if there's a porn strike? I'm gonna need some bigger envelopes!

P.S. "Ellen DeNotGenerous, you showed no guts/But Jay Leno, you're our homie, thanks for the donuts"

Their e-mail interview with Borat is hysterical. Wait until you find out what he had for breakfast...

P.S. O&A also made news today by starting the rumor that Tom Brady has been suspended 4 games for steroids. They actually came up with the hoax on-air and said that it was totally bogus, but a lot of people still took the bait. Just goes to show... something, I'm not sure what.

The whole thing went on for about 45 minutes, and it was excruciating. Or hilarious, depending on how you feel about "cringe humor."

Last weekend a group called Improv Everywhere got over a hundred guys to walk into the Abercrombie & Fitch on Fifth Ave. in NYC and all take off their shirts at once. If you've ever even heard of A&F, you understand why this is funny.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go work out. For a year.

(thx, jay)

The joke that everyone was upset about -- me calling [Britney's] kids "adorable mistakes" -- was the most innocuous joke. It never occurred to me that would be deemed hurtful or over the line. I don’t want to get into feuds with girls half my age.

When I first saw that picture I thought, "Wow, she needs to get more sleep." But now I realize she looks amazing for a 52-year-old woman!

You're hired!

(Courtesy of simsgamer.com)

Who's Steve Coogan? He's a British comedian who's recently started getting work in Hollywood films. He's famous in the UK for the various characters he created. The most famous is Alan Partridge, a washed up TV personality, DJ, and all around noob:

He's got one of the most smackable faces in showbiz, but I do enjoy David Spade. I just hope none of my loved ones (play along with me, here) see this, because it might give them a very bad idea:

Chris Onstad, creator of the fantastic, utterly unique webcomic Achewood, talks to the Onion AV Club about Internet feedback:

I used to follow it closely, but then I realized I was doing myself a disservice, because I'd put up a strip, and the first comment would be, "Oh, this is terrible. Achewood hasn't been good in weeks." And I'd go, "Oh, that bastard! Son of a bitch, I've put all day into this, goddamn it." [Laughs.] But you have to realize that it's just like some, you know, 13-year-old boy in Akron, and he doesn't really care, he's just posting some snotty little thing on the Internet. And here I am, 32 years old and getting worked up about it. That's the wrong way to approach it. If anything, I think it's important to read that stuff at first, because you have to develop a thick skin. It's a growth process, and it hurts a little bit, but you have to get used to it, otherwise you'll never make it anywhere. So now, I'll see some negative feedback and go, "Huh. Well fuck you, I'm making a living." [Laughs.]

Yep! I've been an Achewood fan since way back when it was Onstad's hobby, so it's awesome that he's turned it into his own mini-industry and can make a living from it. While still being funny!

(Oh, and the interview is accompanied by the first picture of Onstad he's shown to the public. Which I could have done without, frankly.)

The audio is genuine Welles, but the re-enactment is by a guy named Mark Rudolph. Uncanny resemblance! (The little crawl at the beginning says it was for Paul Masson, but it was a commercial for frozen peas.)

P.S.

That's the only possible explanation for this:

TMZ has confirmed Dave Chappelle went to the hospital this past weekend because he was wacked out. But Chappelle's rep told TMZ any wackiness was due to exhaustion -- not drugs.

The rep says Dave went to the emergency room for "physical exhaustion." She says he was treated with "food, water and sleep" for about 12 hours and then went home.

You're hungry, you're thirsty, and you need a nap. Uh, duh? Go to the ER! That's what it's there for. The guy with the silly little heart attack can just wait his turn.

P.S. Chappelle's recovering nicely from his snack attack.

This one's for Treacher:

Maybe I just wasn't singing from the right hymn sheet.

(Is it just me, or do the rock column thingies also look like they're flipping off the camera?)

And by "excited" I mean "ambivalent and vaguely annoyed." Instead of wasting my time and money on that, I'm going to watch this over and over for 2 hours (or until I run out of hand lotion).

I know that a lot of you read this blog, so you should enjoy seeing how two email scammers were tricked into re-creating the Dead Parrot sketch by a scam-baiter.

("Whaddaya mean 'restored,' Treach?" Everybody's a comedian.)

(thx, alan)

Not anymore. For more information on why he would ever have sex with that mess in the first place, go here.

I'm just saying, go to YouTube and search for "free hugs in second life." (You might want to make sure that nobody who can fire you from your job is around..)

I learned I'm only 20 percent black and 80 percent comedian because black people were like, 'That bastard!' - but comics, we were like, "The dude's having a bad set. Hang in there, Kramer!"

In case you're getting tired of just downing the stupid things with a fifth of Wild Turkey, these serving suggestions might come in handy. Mmm, Oysters Cockefeller.

I've only ever heard one John Mayer song, but I'm pretty sure he's better at music than he is at stand-up:

Let's just say that any comedy routine that includes a Carrie Underwood impersonation probably needs to go back to the drawing board.

(Pic courtesy of the Daily Mail) Yes, that's Jerry Seinfeld, promoting Bee Movie. What, he spent all his sitcom money already?

Bruce Campbell is also funny in Spider-Man 3. (It's this little indie flick I recently discovered; you should check it out now while it's still in theaters.)

Listen.

I don't suggest this.

This LA Weekly story about a struggling "alternative comedian" is sort of interesting. But here are all the funny parts:

“I like cop TV shows. One of my favorite phrases from these types of shows is when there is a crime scene in a crowd and a cop gets on the megaphone and he says, ‘Okay, everybody, party’s over.’ Ninety percent of the time, there was never a party. It’s always a homicide or a suicide. A party? That was a party? A man just jumped out of a building and died — that was a party? Well, fuck it; if that was a party, I have a bathtub and a toaster. Everybody come over to my place.”

“Hi, I’m the next comedian. My name is Michelle Biloon. Biloon is my real name. It’s not a stage name. It’s not my comedy name. I didn’t choose it. I was buying a bus ticket at the Greyhound station, and the Greyhound lady looked down at my ticket and said, ‘Biloon? I bet you got teased a lot as kid.’ And I said, ‘Yeah, you work at a Greyhound station. I bet you got teased a lot this morning."

“A couple of weeks ago, my ex-brother-in-law, who is gay, asked me over instant messenger if I might like to have a child for him and his partner. Now, I’m not going to have my first baby for you and your partner, okay?” she says as a screeching train whistle from outside escalates to just below deafening, “but then a train rolled by, which got me to thinking” — she’s yelling now to compete with the din — “and now I think I might say yes, with the only stipulation being no fertility drugs, no turkey baster, no petri dishes — we’re fucking.”

“Hey, dart people — you’re going to love this. It’s a love poem. You can repeat it to your wife when you roll into bed at 4 a.m.: Man on the bus/I see you drooling reading your dictionary playing your kazoo/What’s on your mind as the wheels on the bus go round and round? . . . /Put it in me.”

*My stylist doesn't have to do much work either, but for a different reason. (My hair is naturally perfect. (By which I mean, nature is making it fall out. Which is just perfect.))

According to People, the foul-mouthed landlord In this short movie is Jeremy Piven's niece. I guess talent doesn't run in the family. Maybe she can give her uncle some tips.

(Sorry if you got blasted with audio when I had the video embedded. Funny or Die's stupid player automatically plays the damn thing. Annoying.)

Well, maybe she had an inkling of what an a-hole her son would turn out to be:

Chase says that when he was just a kid, panic attacks would cause his mother to lock him in the closet for hours on end. She would also "abruptly wake him up in the middle of the night just to slap him continually and hard, across the face- for no reason at all."

Chevy says his mom also used to whip him. "She would say to me, 'Ten lashes on the backs of your legs every day for a week at 5 p.m.' How can you hold on to that kind of anger against your kid?" Chase says in the book...Chase, now 63, says, "You would think a grown man could shake it off, as the coffin was being lowered, to say, 'I forgive you.' I don't forgive," he says.

Honestly, I feel for the guy, and will be checking his new memoir authorized biography out from the library as soon as it's available. But I'd wager a guess that hanging on to all his anger about the abuse is one of the reasons he's known far and wide in show business for being a particularly nasty piece of work. This man loves to abuse other people, and the fact that his mother was mean to him isn't an excuse for it. Perhaps his horrible talk show was part of his karmic payback:

Take that, Donald! Art = Justice

(I also voted for Gayliens.)

Would you tongue kiss your mother for tickets to a REALLY AWESOME concert? Like, if they invented a time machine and you could get in it and go watch the Beatles on Ed Sullivan or something like that? No? Well then, would you make out with your mom so SHE could get some tickets to see Larry the Cable Guy?

The sick thing is, I have a feeling some of you enjoyed that trash licking mess.

I passed this one over for Medical Hospital last week. I feel I made the right decision, but this is still funny. Justin Roiland is the guy in the wig, and he also does Mr. Sprinkles. Which wasn't as good this week, so I voted for Shady Acres because those people deserve a little bit of fame and who knows how long t