Blowing Smoke: A movie about poker, cigars, women, and getting screwed

Tuesday
April 08, 2008

"Ve Haff Vays Uff Mekking You Balk!!"

Male Jim Treacher | Category: TV
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You've heard about Tom Cruise playing a Nazi in an upcoming movie. Of course, he's a good Nazi, the guy who unsuccessfully plotted to assassinate Hitler. (Because when you're a good Nazi, you know you have to do something about the bad Nazis, because you know you're the only one who can really help...) If you haven't seen the trailer:

Guess what? Valkyrie, AKA Scientology Somehow Doesn't Give You the Ability to Do Accents, has now been pushed back from October '08 to Feb. '09. Originally it was supposed to come out in July. MGM/UA claim they're holding it back for President's Day weekend, but they're probably trying to buy time to figure out how to salvage this mess. I'd suggest a new marketing campaign spinning it as some sort of comedy. Kind of like Hogan's Heroes, without the subtlety or wit.

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Comments

This is what happens when a man's ego gets in the way of his common sense (not all that unusual among actors in Hollywood I am afraid).

You would think that Cruise would have at least attempted to develop a German accent - perhaps by hiring Professor Henry Higgins - before thinking he could play this part.

The movie would still suck, but at least Cruise wouldn't sound quite as stupid as Richard Gere did as Lancelot in First Knight.

Comment by TRO on April 8, 2008 8:26 AM

Or at least a British accent to match all the great character actors they hired, who only make him look worse.

Comment by Treach on April 8, 2008 8:51 AM

His Irish accent in the Ron Howard film with Nicole Kidman is still the most unintentionally hilarious accent since Kostner's laid back Californian/bland accent in Robin Hood - Prince of Thieves.

Comment by Dmac on April 8, 2008 9:37 AM

"We have to kill Hitler."

*chrckle snort chrckle*

No. NO. *slaps self* It's a very serious subject. Hitler. HITLER.

Comment by Zelda on April 8, 2008 10:15 AM

Originally it was supposed to come out in July.

So this was supposed to be a summertime, Mission Impossible-style blockbuster? Egads. I bet Will Smith would have been more convincing in the role.

Comment by pete on April 8, 2008 3:06 PM

If you ever want to read the true story behind the clusterfuck that was the attempt to overthrow Hitler, I'd suggest William L. Shirer's The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich. A damn good book. And it doesn't make the members of the conspiracy look especially good, as I have a feeling the movie will.

Comment by Sean M. on April 10, 2008 1:57 AM