You probably thought you hated Moby because he's a self-righteous vegan who makes awful music and acts like Mr. Sensitive while handing out "I really want to fuck you" cards to women in clubs. But no! You actually hate him because he boinked Mrs. Skywalker:

"I guess in some people's eyes, [nerds] might be mildly sexy -- and, as a nerd, I'm certainly happy to enjoy some of the effects of that. But as far as the very brief affair that I had with Natalie [Portman], it's made me a target of a lot of nerd wrath," the techno-whiz tells next month's Spin. "You don't date Luke Skywalker's mom and not have them hate your guts."

Despite how disappointed we all might be in Natalie Portman for serving, however briefly, as a container for Moby's DNA*... did anybody know about this? How can nerds hate you for something they don't even know about? Or is this just Moby's passive-aggressive way of boasting that he bagged Natalie Portman? That sounds more like it to me. Your faux self-deprecation doesn't wash, you broccoli-chomping douche. And I know from faux self-deprecation.

*How fitting that he actually looks like a sperm cell.