NOTE: This post is kind of serious, not lighthearted at all. There are no mentions of Parasite Hilton or boobies. You've been warned.

This weekend, I attended and spoke at Liberty 2006, a conference for those who want to bring about a more free world. Yes, it was pretty geeky, but also a lot of fun. Really.

One presentation really sickened and angered me, though. John Pendal from the Spanner Trust spoke about the fact that British law bans consenting adults from deriving sexual pleasure from certain activities. Yeah, I thought it was just backwards southern US states that outlawed this kind of thing. (Sex toys are still illegal in Alabama, for example.) But no, the UK is just as backward.

For example, if you want to get a tongue piercing (which I used to have, not for sexual reasons but for stupid, immature ones) or a nipple ring, that's fine. But if the police think that you got sexual pleasure from the act of piercing, they can arrest you and the person who pierced you, and you could both be sentenced to several years in prison. I am not making this up.

Now, I'm not into this kind of stuff, but mine is a broad church - do what you want, as long as everyone concerned is an adult, sober enough to consent, and does consent. It makes no difference to me what anyone else does with their bodies; none of my business. Frankly, it is far more disturbing to me that anyone - let alone politicians and police - would care enough to investigate what anyone does in their bedroom, let alone wish to see them imprisoned for it.

Bottom line: While these laws are on the books and being enforced with such zeal, there is no such thing as sexual privacy for anyone in the UK.

The fact is, peoples' lives are being ruined by cases like this. Here's an example case: The police get a call from a disgruntled woman, dumped by her boyfriend and seeking revenge for being wronged. She tells them that her ex has homemade videos of the two of them engaging in S&M activities; for her help, she will not get prosecuted, but the police will raid her ex's house and seize all of his videos and his computer(s). If he needs his computer to do his job, tough shit - his job won't get done, and they'll take their sweet time returning his stuff. This all plays out whether the accused is guilty or not. It could be a completely made-up story, but they still have the right to arrest you, raid your house, and take your stuff.

Let's say, yeah, the guy did make some videos with his girlfriend, and maybe with other fuckbuddies. When they go through the videos, they will identify everyone they can who is featured in them, and carry out the same raids on them and their homes. And so on and so forth. Some of these cases have been investigated - with peoples' lives utterly wrecked as a result - for four or five years. All because they might like a side order of pain with their orgasm.

This is truly horrifying; if you think you are safe from ever suffering this kind of government intrustion into your sex life because you're not into S&M or anything 'perverted', you're sadly mistaken. If you live in Britain, you have no right to sexual privacy.

All of this to say that, whether you live in the UK or not, if you're as disgusted by this as I am, you might want to consider shoving a few dollars (or pounds) into the hands of the Spanner Trust. You can donate here. They are going through the courts to challenge these laws, because all the politicians are too image-conscious to do the right thing and help reverse it. (Imagine what a field day the tabloids would have: "Politician works to protect perverts!")

Having been a victim of a violent crime of a sexual nature just a few days ago, I know for a fact that the cops have more important work to do than peeking into all our bedrooms to see how we get off. It is outrageous that taxpayer money and law enforcement time is being spent on privacy invasion like this. Help however you can, please.