Dessarae Bradford is the differently-cognitive woman who claims Colin Farrell is stalking her, which is why she wrote and self-published a book called Colin Farrell: A Dark Twisted Puppy and tried to hand him a copy or 12 while he was talking to somebody. That somebody was Jay Leno, during a taping of The Tonight Show. She also claims she once did Alec Baldwin up the keister with a strap-on, which for some reason is slightly easier for me to believe.

It's no surprise that she has a MySpace, but did you know she has a hit single on there? It's called, appropriately enough, "I Fucked Alec Baldwin (Colin Farrell Is My Bitch)" and it's NSFWonderful. Here's the tracklist for her upcoming album, I Am Out of My Goddamn Mind:

• "Brad Pitt Stole My Fabric Softener"
• "Jude Law Keyed My Saturn, and I Have Witnesses"
• "Jake Gyllenhaal Made Unwanted Advances to Me in the Cereal Aisle at Ralph's"
• "You Better Quit Texting Me, Pierce Brosnan"
• "This One Time I Made Orlando Bloom Smell My Butt (Right After Spin Class)"
• "Lipnicki, Watch Your Back"

• "You Keep Stealing My Newspaper, Ima Put My Foot Right Up Your Ass, How's That for Deal or No Deal, Motherfucker?"

By the way, Farrell just put a restraining order on her until Aug. '09. Whatever. Keep running, you stupid mick!