May 09, 2008
I've got good news and bad news
The bad news: Comedy Central is bringing back The Gong Show.
The good news: The host is... Dave Attell!
The more I think about this, the more perfect it sounds. If you're old enough to remember The Gong Show but young enough not to have hated it at the time, you remember that Chuck Barris always seemed to have a soft spot for the trainwrecks and losers who were brave enough to humiliate themselves on national TV. Yeah, he was mocking them, but it never seemed mean.
Attell did the same thing on Insomniac. You know, the show where he'd go to various cities and see what the people did there at night. He'd go bar-hopping and visit various night-shift jobs, and he'd talk to the sorts of people you don't normally see on TV. Y'know. Human filth. He could talk to pretty much anybody and make it interesting, and it never seemed mean even when he was making fun of them. He'll be the perfect host for this.
Attell + Gong Show = Me watching.
John Mayer: Ditch the day job
I say that only because his music is so vile. Better to have him as an aspiring comedian, methinks. Bonus: Kristen Bell!
May 08, 2008
Jim Treacher hates the use of "fail" as a noun
I don't care, because Fail Dogs is awesome and this one reminded me of him. In the most adorable way possible, obviously.
Best headline ever (redux)
It's from the BBC, and yet somewhat NSFW. You gotta click through to see it, though.
Jacob? Hello! Jacob?
Tonight's episode: "Cabin Fever." The "Cabin" part, I'm guessing, is the nutty cabin that only Hurley can find. The "Fever" part is the hotness of Jack's hairless torso. Oh wait, that was last week. And it was very creepy. Do you suppose he had to get waxed so he could wedge himself into his Racer X uniform? Or was it just a personal request from Larry/Lana Wachowski? The more I think about it, the less I want to think about it.
Anyway. Livebloggening commencificate!
Lost liveblog reminder
I'm liveblogging Lost again tonight. Somebody out there is reading these, presumably.
If I'm going to be a pathetic GTA addict, I might as well get a post out of it
I don't play a lot of video games these days, but GTA IV has me jonesing like a heroin fiend. Besides the addictive gameplay and the pleasure of zooming through the city in stolen cars and beating complete strangers to death in the street with an aluminum baseball bat, the game's storyline and characters are surprisingly compelling. SPOILERS AHEAD:
May 07, 2008
The dumbest family in America
Well, that may be stretching it, but you guys are total Einsteins compared to this brood of dim bulbs. No offense.
Lindsay Lohan's new single is beyond awful
No, seriously: Calling this shitty is an insult to turds.
May 06, 2008
Goddamn Spencer Pratt
This worthless celebrity is growing on me! Here's his advice on how to tell if a girl is up for buttlove:
If you stick your pinkie in there, and then another finger, and then another, and she responds happily, then it's cool.
He may just be my hero. Kill me NOW.
Amy Winehouse has an answer for everything
She acts like a lunatic because...of the weather.
The sun makes people do crazy things.
The next time I get busted for drunk and disorderly and possession of a controlled substance, I'm totally using that excuse.
Even Johnny Knoxville wouldn't try this crap
If I seem preoccupied with GTA IV lately, you're just going to have to deal with it. I don't really consider myself a game guy, but this thing is amazing. These guys could be curing cancer, but instead they decided to use their genius to make me believe I'm running down pedestrians and shooting cops. Bless them.
May 05, 2008
Happy birthday, Topanga!
Her real name is Danielle Fishel, but I know you all were as into Boy Meets World as I was. She will always be Topanga to me. I still wonder if she had a sister named Van Nuys.
Anyway, I always thought she was cute as hell and still do. She's 27 today, so a bit over the hill, but can still work it as a slightly squat version of Angelina Jolie. I think that's the highest praise she's ever received...and I'm being kind not to go into the sordid details of how she begged Lance Bass to pop her cherry.
Susan Sarandon: You're never too old to skank out!
She just turned 60, and celebrated by getting two tattoos. In her words:
Why not?
If you have to ask that about an old woman - even one who looks as good as Sarandon - getting inked on her saggy skin, well, you're already lost. So yeah, why not?
A merchandising suggestion for the makers of Grand Theft Auto IV
You should make a GTA IV IV. That way, people can feed themselves intravenously without having to do silly things like cook or leave the house or move from one spot for like a whole day at a time. Great Tasting Atrophy!
NY Post retracts "Bam Margera and Opie's girlfriend sex tape" story
On Page Six today:
"ON April 23 we reported that the fiancée of Gregg "Opie" Hughes, one half of the Opie and Anthony radio show, was involved in an X-rated sex video with MTV star Bam Margera. We reported that Hughes was taking legal action against a disgruntled ex-employee of the radio duo who had acquired the rights to the video. We have since learned that this information, supplied by Steppin' Out's Chaunce Hayden, was entirely incorrect. There is no sex tape. Further, Hughes' fiancée has never met the MTV star. The Post sincerely regrets the error."
A newspaper admitting when it gets a story totally wrong? A newspaper called the New York Post? Signs and wonders.
May 02, 2008
Prince William: "Cougar? I hardly knew her!"
This series is just begging for some clever captions. But something about the faintly ridiculous meeting the totally ridiculous makes the pictures worthwhile even without words.


Tom Cruise fakes talks to Oprah
Welcome to my hot Friday night! You can watch the whole thing starting here. If the first five minutes are anything to go on - with Katie Holmes telling Tom "I love you" many times over in her oh-so convincing manner, Oprah gushing how the multi-million dollar kitchen in the multi-million dollar Telluride home is "so normal!" - this is going to be some crazy, nauseating viewing. But then I expected as much. Pass the barley water!
In the butt
I definitely wish we'd had Google when I was a teenager, so I could have plagiarized more easily on my school reports, but this video makes me sort of glad I grew up in the olden days. This kid makes my little brother look positively loving and mature by comparison, but I can't say I don't admire his work:
The sister's best moment?
"I'm not, like, young and, like, stupid!"
The more I read about Lost...
...the more relieved I am that I never started watching it in the first place. I clearly remember checking out the first five minutes of the first episode, when it finally hit the UK after mountains of hype from the US. I had a moment of clarity the likes of which do not happen often enough for me. It was an "Eff this" moment. There was no way I was going to commit to investing years of my life in a TV show.
That said, it does sound kinda cool.





